sorry, he's not going anywhere!

I may have or never have mentioned this before BUT if I'm asked the one person I adore the most in my family, the answer would be my 11th years old brother, Aldy. In fact, he's definitely in the top list of a very few favorite people I can honestly say I love with every fiber of my being.

He's the baby in the family, naturally, since he's born the last. He's this little chubby kid you cant actually make fun of in elementary school because he's that lovable. Always smiling, wherever he goes it seems like he radiates happiness and charm people all over. If you see him from the other side of the room you may not be able to point out the differences between him and other kids.

But he's different, he's positively diagnosed for autism spectrum disorder ever since he's 2 years old. Mainly the autism part.

My parents see it as some kind of disease that has to be cured, I don't precisely know how much money they have spent to get him treated. They've tried everything from modern medicines and therapies to experimental alternative ones. I've grown to see it as a lifelong conditions that we just have to put up with. "He's different, deal with it and be there for him" is basically what I pointed out but they just shot that idea down and screamed at me. It has been happening for years. "He has to be normal someday" is something they would say every time. They just ignored the basic fact that while treatments will always be available, there's no exact cure of Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Funny, it's the only thing these days that they agree with. They basically don't speak to each other, too long and too private of a story to tell. My youngest brother is seen as a problem but he pretty much glues everyone together. Everyone in my family loves him.

Comparing to a lot of kids who have autism, he's not that bad. Sure, he has problems in communicating, focusing and concentrating. We have to get his attentions to make him listen. He keeps repeating words, has limited vocabularies. He's easily distracted and pretty much common to emotional havoc and sudden little tantrums. But he's not anti social like some of these kids at all. He can read, understands basic rules / what's good or bad, he can do simple things on his own, and has incredibly strong memories. One night when he was 3, he laid on my bed opening up his favorite Barney book and recited everything from page to page to me. He hadn't even been able to read yet, I just read it to him a couple of times before.

And that's why exactly my parents are deluded. We always have troubles in picking a school for him because although there are a lot of special schools that cater to his needs, my parents wont go for it. No special schools, they say he's not that bad. Let's not put him in a place with kids with worse conditions because kids make fast impressions and they don't want him to pick some new "habits". So far for his elementary school, which's spent so far in 3 different places, my parents picked normal private schools which accept two "special" kids in each class for a price. A ridiculously high price.

I used to think it's a bad idea ( Hey! I'm a first born and the only girl, I have tons of things to say! ) because there are always bullies in normal schools. How if he gets bullied for his autism, for not being normal then they alienate him? But my brother is special even more since every year, I haven't heard such thing. It's like the jungle rules don't work with him, the little dude is loved. Not only loved, he's popular. I even think he's nicer to people than I am.

So that's why I was really upset this evening and I need to vent here. He's 11, he has at least one more year in elementary school. Then normally he has to go junior high school / middle school, right? Well no regular / normal junior high schools here in the city that have minimum 2 special kids quota in each class. We've looked all over. The only chance for my brother to continue his education to a higher level in the city would be if my parents actually enroll him to a special school. Something they would never even consider in the first place.

So my dad just told me that they have succeeded making my brother avoid any special school for the past 8 years ( plus kindergarten ) so why would they have to change that? My brother has to be in a normal school and for his special conditions, we'll continue hiring around 2 or 3 private therapists for him.

I asked him whether he's crazy enough to think they can bribe regular middle schools too since all of them flat out said no, or he wants to give homeschooling a chance.

He said neither. Apparently there's a regular middle school open for my brother after all, in a different city. Not a city actually, it's a town. Small town. Approximately 5 hours from Jakarta. My dad thought it'd be a nice change for him, said the city can be overwhelming for my brother and not making it easier for him to grow up. He's already in the talk with some people to buy a house in this small town. It wont have a lot of impacts to his job because he's already a lawyer in the position that only needs to go to a formal meeting in offices once a week or less and paper works taken care of by his workers. He basically doesn't object leaving the hustle and bustle of Jakarta. Maybe he needs it too.

My responses? Not too good. Not too good is actually an understatement. Have you ever felt so upset, angry, frustated, hurt and sad so you scream at the top of your lungs while cry uncontrollably at the same time? I haven't felt this bad in a while. Sure, I cry from time to time but this? It's a helpless one. You can always do something in other situations.

Your boyfriend makes you cry? You can avoid him, talk to him or dump him. Your best friends make you cry? You can talk to them or stop being friends. Then the problems, although hurt, may eventually be gone.

But how can all these be gone? One thing for sure I'm not gonna let this happen. Call me stubborn, call me anything but he can't just drag my brother to the middle of nowhere over a problem he has other options to fix but too proud to even consider, as much as I love him.

Not while I'm here to do something about it.