I've written so many times here about how women act toward each other. My friend Drimi told me that when women are mean to others, it's always caused by two things :
- She's really hurt by the other woman
- She's jealous to the other woman
The second reason is most often happened, although I'm sure no women will actually say they hate others because they're jealous. Have you heard a girl said she hates other woman just because? "Oh I just hate her style", "I think she's irritating when she talks, I hate her", or "I just don't like her!"?
Well hate is a strong word and if the reasons are that poor then there's something else. Something else they can't say out loud, and it really is a sad fact.
I've been in the situations, being jealous at and be jealous. I go out and see tall gorgeous skinny girls looking effortless in everything designer from head to toe, do I feel jealous? Yes. I bump into some of my seniors in law school looking like complete professionals now with their high paying jobs in prestigious law firms, do I feel jealous? Yes. I read blogs about rich people jet-setting, Sydney today and Hongkong tomorrow, do I get jealous? U-huh. Do I hate them?
Hate is a real strong word.
People say it's important to believe in yourself, be grateful and positive. And no matter how suck you think your life is, there are people who have less and will do anything to be in your position. My mom said if you keep trying to jump up all the time, your head will hit the ceiling. I think she's right. So no, I don't hate these people. They are luckier than me, good for them. I should focus on my life, right?
But still, I wish it's easy to get rid of jealousy, especially if you're in your low moments. Because i just realize a couple of days ago that instead of hating, my defense mechanism apparently is avoiding. I avoid all thoughts of being jealous, insecure, and feeling sorry for myself and so I end up avoiding the lucky people I'm jealous at too.
How did I realize this? I know this will make me sound like a real evil person but I think I'm jealous with one of my best friends. And when I look deeper, I know I kinda avoid her. I don't always reply her mails, answer her calls or try to talk to her as often as a girl talk to her best friends.
It takes every ounce of my strength to beat my ego this time and just admit it, at least here in my blog.
I always think she's a lucky girl, I'm happy for her most of the times but there are times that I'm not like that and questioning. Why? Why is every good thing happening to her? I then tried to look at our situations in high school, she messed up a lot. I was smarter and more mature. I hate to say this because this sounds really vain and mean but I just need to let these out, I think I'm also as pretty as her, sure she's taller than me though. Why now she snagged better jobs, better school, better friends, better guys, better experiences and happier in every aspect?
I wish I could really shoot myself sometimes and disappear, as emo as it sounds.
I know I don't hate her and there's NO WAY I'm gonna talk shit and spread rumors about her, but I do avoid her. It's not her fault, guys. She told me all these good things about her because I'm her best friend, it's natural she told me everything, right? What should I say, "Stop making me feel jealous"? What kind of friend saying that anyway? A real bad one, which I apparently am.
Well hate is a strong word and if the reasons are that poor then there's something else. Something else they can't say out loud, and it really is a sad fact.
I've been in the situations, being jealous at and be jealous. I go out and see tall gorgeous skinny girls looking effortless in everything designer from head to toe, do I feel jealous? Yes. I bump into some of my seniors in law school looking like complete professionals now with their high paying jobs in prestigious law firms, do I feel jealous? Yes. I read blogs about rich people jet-setting, Sydney today and Hongkong tomorrow, do I get jealous? U-huh. Do I hate them?
Hate is a real strong word.
People say it's important to believe in yourself, be grateful and positive. And no matter how suck you think your life is, there are people who have less and will do anything to be in your position. My mom said if you keep trying to jump up all the time, your head will hit the ceiling. I think she's right. So no, I don't hate these people. They are luckier than me, good for them. I should focus on my life, right?
But still, I wish it's easy to get rid of jealousy, especially if you're in your low moments. Because i just realize a couple of days ago that instead of hating, my defense mechanism apparently is avoiding. I avoid all thoughts of being jealous, insecure, and feeling sorry for myself and so I end up avoiding the lucky people I'm jealous at too.
How did I realize this? I know this will make me sound like a real evil person but I think I'm jealous with one of my best friends. And when I look deeper, I know I kinda avoid her. I don't always reply her mails, answer her calls or try to talk to her as often as a girl talk to her best friends.
It takes every ounce of my strength to beat my ego this time and just admit it, at least here in my blog.
I always think she's a lucky girl, I'm happy for her most of the times but there are times that I'm not like that and questioning. Why? Why is every good thing happening to her? I then tried to look at our situations in high school, she messed up a lot. I was smarter and more mature. I hate to say this because this sounds really vain and mean but I just need to let these out, I think I'm also as pretty as her, sure she's taller than me though. Why now she snagged better jobs, better school, better friends, better guys, better experiences and happier in every aspect?
I wish I could really shoot myself sometimes and disappear, as emo as it sounds.
I know I don't hate her and there's NO WAY I'm gonna talk shit and spread rumors about her, but I do avoid her. It's not her fault, guys. She told me all these good things about her because I'm her best friend, it's natural she told me everything, right? What should I say, "Stop making me feel jealous"? What kind of friend saying that anyway? A real bad one, which I apparently am.
Posts
I remember reading something very wise once. It went something along the lines of
"Comparing yourself to others will leave you vain and jealous, for there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself"
Is it easy to avoid comparing yourself to others? Definitely not. But those are still wise words.
And it's natural to get a little envious of our friends at times too. But you're a good friend, you haven't snapped at her or been a bitch to her, you're doing the right thing and removing yourself from a situation where you might do that.