This calls for Boyz II Men's cheesiest songs

Posted by Andhari
One of my BFF's just broke up with her boyfriend.

It wasn't a long relationship but apparently it's devastating. Last Saturday I went out with her and more friends for drinks at a very crowded bar. I also had dinner with her and her parents, where she almost completely ignored them and whispered her sadness to me with tears streaming down her face. Their parents stared at me, helpless expressions on their faces. Awkward.

Since then she could NOT stop texting me. One minute she's angry and the next totally depressed. I can understand actually, been there done that. Hell, I remember being in my room with hair tousled and shirt wet of tears with her holding my hands. A bucket on the floor since I tend to get sick and vomit if I cry so much. Nasty experience.

For short, I know how she feels.

But I want to shake her silly when I read her text this morning,
"Are you throwing an event this weekend? Are you going to a party? YOU HAVE TO FIND ME A NEW GUY!"
Wow. Slow down, woman.

She's not the first girl I know trying to heal the sadness of a break up by finding a comfort from a new guy. Remember this post when another best friend of mine jumping into a new relationship shortly after her break up too? What's up with that?

Whether it's for a rebound, meaningless sex, or an entirely new relationship, why do you need new guys so soon to make you feel better?

I'm not a man hater ( good lord! I don't even understand those words! ) but I think some emotional break would be nice. Am I weird? Maybe we're just different, but why are these differences drive me crazy? The comparison might be somewhat like this :

Those Other Girls


Me

Umm, it's probably why I had been single for more than a year in the past

How do you recover from a break up?



Labels: , , , , , , ,

31 comments:

  1. Harini said...:
    March 31, 2010 11:43 PM

    Never had one :) and hope i will never have it too :).

  1. littlemissjuicy said...:
    March 31, 2010 11:46 PM

    HATE what I'm going through.
    I wouldn't jump to the next available guy either, but I wouldn't mind someone to flirt with, just to take my mind off the memories.
    I guess why so many people look for new relationships so soon is because they want the idea of them being loveable be validated.

  1. Johana Hill said...:
    April 1, 2010 12:18 AM

    You have to make her understand that having a 'rebound-guy' almost always ends badly.

    I didn't have much break-ups but the worse one was in 2001! A terrible phase in my life which I don't want to re-live...*shudders*

  1. Kim said...:
    April 1, 2010 12:19 AM

    She needs lots of time. That's the only thing that can truly make you ready.

  1. Ali said...:
    April 1, 2010 12:41 AM

    Yeah, it's a definite coping skill but in my opinion (and yours, haha!), not a good one. Plus, it makes the girl doing it come off VERY desperate and ridiculous. I'd maybe have a talk with her about how she needs to appreciate herself first.

  1. Nashe^ said...:
    April 1, 2010 12:44 AM

    Did she seriously cry to you in front of her parents? Woah.

    But BWAHAHAHA I like the nail painting + drinking + shopping phases! major LMAO! I get over stuff alone. Walking around town by myself and/or crying myself to sleep for days before I open up to anyone. :\

  1. Ashley said...:
    April 1, 2010 1:09 AM

    I can SO relate to cutting my hair. I love my hair and do all sorts of things with it, but whenever a breakup happened? Within 3-4 days, it was cut.

    Something about that was so comforting.

  1. Sarah said...:
    April 1, 2010 1:10 AM

    after my last breakup i went on a crazy health kick. or i should say i am on a crazy health kick as i just added running to my schedule last night. i've never worked out in my life and then in december my heart was smashed and i decided to take a trapeze class. i'm looking for ways to be happy without a dude.

  1. Ms. Salti said...:
    April 1, 2010 1:46 AM

    I think I'm closer to how you react. And lots of crying and asking "why me?"

  1. Melissa said...:
    April 1, 2010 1:51 AM

    I wallow on the inside, but on the out side I have that "I don't give a f***" face down to a science, maybe because I've never really been in LOVE. You real love, the kind they write songs about.

    As for you friend don't they say that you take half the time you were with that person and thats how long you'll need to heal. I hope it works for her. Time, I suppose is the only thing that will help. Time and some shiny disractions in the form of pumps. Shoes make me feel better.
    =)

  1. LiLu said...:
    April 1, 2010 1:56 AM

    Getting in the best shape of my life and a lot of quality GF time.

    Also, angry woman music. Preferably Nelly Furtado.

  1. Hope Chella said...:
    April 1, 2010 2:41 AM

    You know what, we've all been hurt by love and some worse than others, but what your friend needs is a "friend" and by bringing you down with her, she isn't going to help herself...The sooner she picks herself up and forgets about romance, the more likely someone worthy will enter the picture. Life is funny that way :)

    Have a great Wednesday and I hope this helps a little,
    http://hopechella.blogspot.com/

  1. Wonderful said...:
    April 1, 2010 2:51 AM

    Dude, you just have common sense. Everyone knows that worst thing you can do after a breakup is go on the rebound because it'll never work out.

  1. Amy --- Just A Titch said...:
    April 1, 2010 3:58 AM

    Angry music and the old adage..."The best way of getting over someone is getting under someone else." Healthy? NOT EVEN A LITTLE.

    But, it works. At least for a little bit.

  1. jen said...:
    April 1, 2010 4:59 AM

    Pick myself up, dust myself off and dance with boys! x

  1. Magpie said...:
    April 1, 2010 6:35 AM

    Ha I'm firmly in your camp! Although, of course, that's how I ended up abstinent for a year and four months....

    *shudders at the memory*

  1. Gnetch said...:
    April 1, 2010 6:48 AM

    Rebound relationships only work in the beginning. At least most of it. It always ends up with someone getting hurt. Again.

    What I do to cope? Eat lots of ice cream and listen to some I-Hate-My-Ex kinda songs. Haha!

  1. Kinsey said...:
    April 1, 2010 7:12 AM

    I've done the breaking up in all my past relationships, so I'm feeling pretty fine after a break-up.

    I know girls who are like the ones you describe up above, though! Yikes, I'm glad I'm not like them :)

  1. Classy Fab Sarah said...:
    April 1, 2010 9:21 AM

    I will never understand why girls do this.... but I will also never jump right back with a new guy. It's just so dumb and it ALWAYS ends horribly. Which puts you right back where you started.

    Which totally makes me want to lock my friend in a padded room, ya know?

  1. Susan said...:
    April 1, 2010 9:52 AM

    I've been with my guy since I was a teenager so I really can't speak to this. But I can imagine that if you're that devastated, you'd need some time.

  1. carissajaded said...:
    April 1, 2010 12:15 PM

    Luckily (and I say that because Im bitter) (I kid) I haven't had too many relationships that I've had to get over. I have had flings, which are almost worst because you still have that "what might have been" mindset. Either way... I've never been a serial dater, and I really don't get girls like that. Whenever I go through a break up, or parting of ways or whatever... I like to take some time to get back to myself and what's important. I'm always here for me. Boys arent.

  1. ScoMan said...:
    April 1, 2010 2:03 PM

    I love your list at the end comparing you to the other girls haha.. It made me laugh.

    But you're level headed and independent and you don't rely on having a relationship to live, and that's cool.

    Too many people define themselves by the relationship they're in, and if they lose it they jump in another one so they have some sense of self again.

    But defining yourself by another person is just sad. You should define the relationship by the people in it and not define the people by the relationship they're in.

    That might just be the wisest thing I've ever said.. quick, somebody get me a pen.

  1. Mars said...:
    April 1, 2010 4:45 PM

    This post is ACE. Two thumbs up. I love the comparison columns you did.

    I guess some girls need rebound so soon because it seems to be the easiest way to take your mind off an ex-lover, trying to incite the passions of love as fast as possible with another man so that you'd forget about that ex even just for a moment.

  1. // krissy ♥ said...:
    April 1, 2010 7:51 PM

    I enjoyed this post Ndee, especially since I am going through the same situation as well :( But I am levelheaded enough to know that rushing into a new relationship is NOT the best option. Right now I have organized out of town trips with friends, they let me have something to look forward to :)

  1. xoxoKrysten said...:
    April 1, 2010 11:17 PM

    Hmm... it's been so long since I've had a breakup.

    I remember crying, being depressed, being angry, etc. etc.

    And then hanging out with my friends a lot and remembering that boys are not THAT great.

    Oh, and lots of junk food, hehe.

  1. Pauline said...:
    April 2, 2010 12:23 AM

    Yep sounds like she's rushing it! I think you need to go through the stages of grief and learn to become more indendent before you go jumping into another relationship.

  1. OG said...:
    April 2, 2010 11:42 PM

    I think the rebound/fling/whatever is important because it gives you the feeling of the upperhand in the break-up. You already hooked up with somebody - if it works out great...if not, at least it helped to create a new line between old relationship and the future.

    Break-ups hurt, that's the bottom line. Good friends are important in those situations though. Just dont bash the ex, in case they happen to get back together later.

  1. j said...:
    April 3, 2010 1:21 AM

    hahahaha, definitely shopping, ice cream, and flirting.

  1. j said...:
    April 3, 2010 1:22 AM

    but if someone seriously asks me out i freak and run away! i like the type of flirting that ends in about 3 minutes. hello, goodbye.

    then i get to go home to my cozy bed and read all night.

  1. Chaitri said...:
    April 6, 2010 6:59 AM

    I deal with breakups by flirting in good faith

    "FLIRTING IN GOOD FAITH" (Where you know you are not in love, you know you dont want commitment, you are not looking for long term relationships, all you want is excitement to get a DIVERSION)- Big Omi - http://swallowedwithapinchofsalt.blogspot.com/2010/03/flirting-in-good-faith.html

  1. Maryx said...:
    April 6, 2010 5:45 PM

    I can totally relate to YOUR way of getting over someone. I think it's the right way as well. I think when you've made peace with yourself and with your situation after enough time has gone by, you can move one and do the booty call/new BF thing. People don't always realize how necessary it is. Otherwise you never really let go. If you ever do. Each to his/her own I guess.

    Great Post Andhari!!

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)