Why I do this

I've just spent the last hour or two listening to the podcasts of a guy from high school, one who I actually had a major crush on for about four years, but that is neither here nor there, I think.

You know what? It doesn't even matter. It doesn't matter what he is doing or what anyone else is doing. The point is what I am NOT doing. Anything. And now the phone rang and I had to talk for a few and get out of my pity party. Moving on.

My point is that I want so much more from myself. I want to be a part of the big conversations and to be smart(er) and know things. I fill this void by posting about things that don't matter much on discussion boards and vomiting out my opinions on minutae on myspace and here. I appreciate this blog and I love doing it because it is the only form of writing that I practice right now, which leads to the constant fight between writing in slacker/realistic form because it is my little corner and I can do whatever I want and trying to be grammatically perfect and write as if I'm forming the argument of a paper, just in case someone reads this page who doesn't happen to be one of my two best friends who already know what I am capable of doing.

Bill Hybels speaks of a "holy discontent" that God uses to show you where you should act. I know that this isn't completely what he means by it, but that phrase is what is in my mind right now. Perhaps this restlessness I feel is my holy discontent bubbling up in my direction. I'm in a place of transition. We'll see what's next.