when jealousy isn't healthy

I've written so many times here about how women act toward each other. My friend Drimi told me that when women are mean to others, it's always caused by two things :

• She's really hurt by the other woman
• She's jealous to the other woman

The second reason is most often happened, although I'm sure no women will actually say they hate others because they're jealous. Have you heard a girl said she hates other woman just because? "Oh I just hate her style", "I think she's irritating when she talks, I hate her", or "I just don't like her!"?

Well hate is a strong word and if the reasons are that poor then there's something else. Something else they can't say out loud, and it really is a sad fact.

I've been in the situations, being jealous at and be jealous. I go out and see tall gorgeous skinny girls looking effortless in everything designer from head to toe, do I feel jealous? Yes. I bump into some of my seniors in law school looking like complete professionals now with their high paying jobs in prestigious law firms, do I feel jealous? Yes. I read blogs about rich people jet-setting, Sydney today and Hongkong tomorrow, do I get jealous? U-huh. Do I hate them?

Hate is a real strong word.

People say it's important to believe in yourself, be grateful and positive. And no matter how suck you think your life is, there are people who have less and will do anything to be in your position. My mom said if you keep trying to jump up all the time, your head will hit the ceiling. I think she's right. So no, I don't hate these people. They are luckier than me, good for them. I should focus on my life, right?

But still, I wish it's easy to get rid of jealousy, especially if you're in your low moments. Because i just realize a couple of days ago that instead of hating, my defense mechanism apparently is avoiding. I avoid all thoughts of being jealous, insecure, and feeling sorry for myself and so I end up avoiding the lucky people I'm jealous at too.

How did I realize this? I know this will make me sound like a real evil person but I think I'm jealous with one of my best friends. And when I look deeper, I know I kinda avoid her. I don't always reply her mails, answer her calls or try to talk to her as often as a girl talk to her best friends.

It takes every ounce of my strength to beat my ego this time and just admit it, at least here in my blog.

I always think she's a lucky girl, I'm happy for her most of the times but there are times that I'm not like that and questioning. Why? Why is every good thing happening to her? I then tried to look at our situations in high school, she messed up a lot. I was smarter and more mature. I hate to say this because this sounds really vain and mean but I just need to let these out, I think I'm also as pretty as her, sure she's taller than me though. Why now she snagged better jobs, better school, better friends, better guys, better experiences and happier in every aspect?

I wish I could really shoot myself sometimes and disappear, as emo as it sounds.

I know I don't hate her and there's NO WAY I'm gonna talk shit and spread rumors about her, but I do avoid her. It's not her fault, guys. She told me all these good things about her because I'm her best friend, it's natural she told me everything, right? What should I say, "Stop making me feel jealous"? What kind of friend saying that anyway? A real bad one, which I apparently am.

I make it short because I haven't slept...

Say bye-bye to my good old yellow background. Noticed it's so purply in here? I changed it twice tonight, at first it looked like Barbie really threw up here but then Nikolett came and save the day.

See, she designed the header. Sweet, yes? It combined my two favorite things : Jakarta and my music, represented by the microphone of course. I swear I can't see any people holding microphones without shouting, "Yo dude, I'm happy for you and I'mma let you finish but..."

Okay, this is getting old.

But still it wont stop me from sharing my favorite Kanye interruption images below ( I'm collecting them so feel free to send some more ) :

Okay, this is REALLY getting old. How did we get to Kanye from new lay out, anyway? Ahem.

Back to the point, so I changed my layout other than because Nikolett generously made me header are because :

• I like purple
• Theyellow color got in my nerves after a while
• It's not really summer anymore, at least over there where most of you live. Here is sunny as ever, I'm about to dress in grass skirt and do a rain dance at the backyard, maybe to old school tracks from Bahamen ( Woof! Woof! )
• Have I told you I like purple?
  

I'll see if I can tweak a few more things but so far I'm liking the result. Still a bit barbie, I know, but it's so Insomniac Lolita, am I right? Now seeing that my back hurts for sitting for hours with no sleep, I'm gonna hit the bed. Have a great day, lovelies!

Sunday Lovelist #22 - Birthday Edition

The fun itself is enough to last a whole week of love list. Let's look back to yesterday's celebration and see what's in the birthday love list, shall we?

1. Waking up real late to good brunch and birthday gifts
My cook made me homemade waffles with vanilla ice cream and coffee before I opened up the presents. My mom's gift was yesterday's shopping at Plaza Indonesia where I got a lot of stuffs from dresses to accessories to shoes ( do buckled shoes and jimmy choos rhyme? yes! hell yes! ) and purse. My dad's getting me either a new phone or a new laptop soon. Two of my aunts each got me a gorgeous booties and a make up set, and some of my best friends Shahnaz, Jem, and Michelle each got me a dress, this fierce shaped blazer, and a set of Tiffany jewelries. I feel so loved! A couple of people also promised me late gifts so we'll see.

2. Special birthday messages
I'm so happy a lot of people didn't ignore my birthday and sent me sweet messages. I had a lot of twitter greetings and text messages, around 200 facebook walls, and a lot of my friends here and abroad called me and even sang me happy birthday. If you're one of them, thank you very much. All of you definitely made this year special for me.

3. Going to salon
Getting pampered, of course. I got my hair and nails done and they're throwing in a free reflexology and back massage because it's my birthday!

4. Having the dress I designed finally ready
Remember this post when I told you I designed and customized a dress at one of my favorite boutiques? Yesterday they called me and told me it's finally done so I went there to get it. The color is a bit darker and browner than what I hoped but I didn't hate it a bit. It's my first dress creation and although it may not be as pretty as a couple of dresses I bought the previous day, I love it the most and wore it for the night.

5. Birthday dinner
I threw a mini birthday dinner for some of my closest peeps in one of my favorite restaurants, Loewy, and it was lovely. I had a lot of fun :

Being sung happy birthday by everyone plus the waiters who brought me complimentary desserts

Spending time with these beautiful ladies

Gossiping, hence me and Shahnaz laughing in this picture

Gossiping some more & teaching Ursula how to say "Let's get it on, you bad boy" in Spanish. WHAT? I'm worldly like that!

Taking group pictures, yayyy!

6. Turning Champagne Lounge up side down

The bash got even bigger when me and my friends moved to Champagne Lounge at Ritz Carlton to kick the party up a notch. D'Makaveli had an event and I invited more friends there to celebrate my birthday with me. I sound like a wuss but it's kind of the first time I drank pure vodka without adding any sprite or orange juice or redbull to it. Did it make me wasted? Hell yes. Did it make me drunk tweet? Tiara, Miss Rambles, and Maddie could testify to it. Some high lights of the night :

Making pretty poses while dehydrating...

...and witnessed the poses getting more random as we drank some more

Sneaking to a shady pub next door and telling the home band it's time for we replaced them to sing. When refused, proceed to climb the table and started dancing in protest. Of course, I left them to do it by themselves. I'm that good of a friend :P

Shahnaz's expression is priceless here, probably repulsed by the band

Finally dancing when the band played Beyonce's old school track

Dancing a bit too excitedly when reggaeton tracks were on...

...and sitting down after I almost tripped here and there

Telling her she's my new BFF so we should get our picture taken

Showing these girls how to kiss a la Victoria Secret Angels. Failed, of course.

How's everyone weekend going? Wish you guys a good one!

Lolita's Blowing The Candles

22 random things I've learned in my 22 years of living :

• Change helps people grow, even when it hurts. Try to deal with it, even if you need to cry your eyes out first
• Stop drinking when your brain tells you that showing people your boobs is okay
• Even if you think you never do people wrong and behave yourself, there are always jealous bitches who hate you out there. Ignore them!
• No matter how much you care, some people just don't care back. Ignore them too!
• Hip-hop is my music, passion, and dream. However, there's a life outside of it that requires my attention too. It is NOT my sole identity!
  
• Do not let anyone, ever, make you feel like you don't deserve to get what you want
• Regardless how hot a relationship is, the passion will fade and there had better be something more to offer to make it last
  
• I'd always prefer to spend time with my closest friends at some simple neighborhood bars, rather than with the city's cool rich ass cliques in the most happening clubs
• Everyone has the right to be angry but it never gives them the right to be cruel
• Family doesn't always consist of people who are related to you by blood, but always includes people who sometimes you can't stand yet are always there for you
• A messed up life or a broken heart never justifies any self destructing behavior you might do, no matter how much you want to disagree
• People who are able to shut their mouths and know when to be silent are thousand times better than people who say everything in their mind all the time
• Writing and pouring your heart on paper are so much cheaper than therapy
• Sometimes people you care about the most are the ones who can cut you the deepest
• People who trash club / party scenes are either bored former party animals or bitter judgmental wusses who never even tried going
  
• Only 20 % girls who trash other girls have valid reasons, 80% of them are simply jealous / insecure
• Only splurge on shoes, bags, and jeans if they can last for a long time in all seasons, unless you're Paris Hilton.
• Overly strict diet and exercise routine will never do anyone good. Bet you 1000 bucks those who do it will stop and binge sooner or later. Always allow yourself a weekly treat!
  
• Wealth and money will never buy people class
• The people you surround yourself with will really determine who you are and what you can do for yourself
• Sometimes silence company heals people better than words of advice
• Bad weekend will almost always lead to bad weekdays, make it count!

So before midnight last night, I was in doubt whether to laugh or cry. I always experience mixed feelings during my birthdays. Ever since I reached my 20 something age group, I have always complained about getting older and this year my lack of acceptance is still there. However, it wasn't as strong as before. Look back to my old archives that I didn't wanna link here, there was a time that I absolutely cried on a birthday.

I prefer seeing good things this year though. I refuse to feel down at all and just be happy. Although I don't think birthdays should be celebrated big every time but I do feel sure that it's a time of the year when everyone has a pass to feel happy and special all day, surrounded with their loved ones.

On my 21st birthday last year, my closest people threw me a simple surprise party with cakes, funny hats and food. And around a week after, it's celebrated even bigger at one of my favorite clubs with more of my friends and balloons flowing down the ceilings.

On the year before that, some of my friends kidnapped me at the crack of dawn and blindfolded me in the car. When the blindfold was opened, I was on a big boat heading to one of the little islands just north of Jakarta where a lot more people have waited. We had barbecues and cocktails, spent all day playing and swimming in the beach.

This year? Well, Kubo brought me a delicious chocolate cake last night and I just got home from a big family dinner where I had lovely conversations with a lot my relatives over great buffet food ( sushi, dimsum, roast duck, prime ribes, cheesecakes, etc ) at Grand Hyatt. Tomorrow I'm throwing another dinner party with my closest people before we're heading for a much bigger birthday celebration of mine in Champagne Lounge at Ritz Carlton Jakarta*. Prepare your tummy for drinking and legs for dancing...

...because everyone's invited. Are you coming?



* The one in Mega Kuningan, not in Pacific Place. Make sure you're not lost tomorrow night!

TMI Thursday : How Do You Like Your Convertible?

I was still pretty traumatic from last Thursday's TMI post ( did you read? Read here, if you haven't. It has something to do with pigs and chickens! ) that I almost didn't write anything for today. But it would not be fair for everyone, right? Everyone deserves something to laugh ( or vomit ) about at least once a week.

This following story, if I remember correctly, happened around four years ago. I was a freshman in law school and so much less serious and responsible than I am now ( haha ). What can I say? First year of college : New friends, new surroundings, new false sense of freedom. Everyone has a beast to unleash, and I hung out with a RARE group of crazy people in school who loved to make up for long lessons by going to happy hour every single chance we got. Every day of the week was filled with parties, bar times, drunken conversations, games of hardcore truth or dare, morning starbucks spiked with vodka and sleepovers.

I was pretty close with one of the girls in the group, let's call her Sookie*. The first few months I knew her, she's this really flawless, polished, and smart woman. When all of us would be too hangover to study for a quiz, she's there to prep us and occasionally yell at us. She's the mom of the group : always responsible, always reminded us of assignments, and always rolled her eyes when we told her we should ditch the class and went to the store to buy Smirnoff Ice. She liked to have fun, unlike the super serious lawbots I've encountered everyday at school, but she set her priority straight.

So imagine my surprise when one day she came and sit beside me in class, looking like a fragile little thing with her eyes swollen and her voice shaken. I asked her what's up and she told me she just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years. Apparently the guy has cheated on her since their relationship started their third year, with various bitches in the city. This totally crushed her, seeing she hoped to marry the jerk after they graduated.

"I need to go out for a drink tonight. I need distraction, please come with me. I'll buy."

How could I say no to that?

So later in the evening, she picked me up. We went to this bar in Kemang where the first thing she said to the waiter was, "Vodka on the rocks, bring the bottle here too."

I love her.

I was more reasonable by ordering a mini pitcher of sprite and two bottles of water just in case she gonna make a scene and needed to be sobered up. Why I turned to be so responsible here, I have no idea.

I had't finished my first glass when she reached the bottle again for her fourth. Oy!

"Maybe I should order you food?" I asked. She shook her head and proceeded to sing and dance to a Daddy Yankee song happened to be played. A couple of people looked our way, I pretended to look like an innocent person who didn't know her. She was dancing further from our table now almost stumbled a bunch of times so I couldn't pretend again and had to get up and grip her hand. The bartenders loved us so they sent 2 complimentary tequila shots which I didn't drink at all because she protested when I was about to take one from her. She gulped them down, slammed them to the bar and stood on the bar stool and continued dancing. Classy.

I tried to get her down. She screamed no but she's bigger than me so I couldn't pull her down. But in the end, I got her to the car and she started crying like a baby. I made her drink a bottle of water and when she finished she started rambling in tears. She told me to drive her home, giving me her address since I never went to her house before. A while later we entered this big townhouse complex, she pointed to a house and told me to park right behind a sleek silver BMW convertible.

"Drink up more. Be careful when you walk to your room, you don't want your parents to catch you drunk", I warned her. She laughed so hard that time, shaking her head and said," No, this is not my house. The jerk lives here."

My jaw dropped and before I stopped her, she opened the car door and walked to the front of the silver convertible. Next thing I know she threw up BIG TIME all over the hood. It's like a volcano eruption. I jumped then, half screaming, you know? "WHAT THE FUDGE? Someone could see! Let's go! Let's go home now! You're effin wasted!"

But like I told you, she's bigger than me, I couldn't even pull her close enough to her car. She gave me a stay-there-and-wait gesture with her hand and I looked frantically left and right, hoping no one saw us. When I looked at her again, however, she had already climbed the vomit-filled car hood with her shoes off and pants pull down....

...and she started peeing and pooping at the same time.

Hope the douchey ex-boyfriend liked his BMW silver convertible with vomit, urine, and semi liquid poop surprise on top.

Poor car.

For more TMI stories, check out Chief TMI / Lilu's blog.



* I should stop watching so much True Blood.

Literally a Wild Child!

I'd like to think when it comes to men and dating, I know all the basics. I've had enough conversations with my best friends, experiences and practices to know how to present myself. I don't chase men, no matter how great they seem to be. Even if I really like a guy, I just drop casual hints and flirty banters once in a while. I don't text them too often in a day, I may not even call unless necessary. Unlike a lot of girls who get so gushy, sensitive, and stare at their crushes with full admiration, I keep it playful. I shove the emo damsel in distress side of me deep, deep inside. Keep it fun, classy, mysterious, yet sophisticated and lure 'em bad-ass boys.

Damn right, write those down. It's not everyday Lolita shares secrets. Ha!

So yeah, with this highly appreciation in how well I do my principles, it's like a big punch thrown to my stomach when I learned that I was not always my cool-calm-confident self after all.

I woke up this morning ( 11 AM, shush! ) and went to the kitchen to look for a hot vanilla latte when I realized there were guests in my house, talking to my mom and dad in our dining room while enjoying strawberry nutella crepes brunch. I didn't know who they are at first but some of them looked familiar, I could only assume they're my relatives seeing as we come from a huge family and sometimes it's hard to really remember everyone. There were 5 of them : an old couple, a young couple, and a cute 3 years old girl. Turns out the older couple is the parents, the younger man is their son, the younger woman is his wife, and the kid is, of course, their child.

So I greeted them and sat near them, being polite and not saying a thing about not knowing who they are. They asked me things like school and work, making small talks and telling me how much I grow up. I noticed they looked at me in certain interests, almost like they're amused . But I didn't say anything until the man, who lookslike he's a couple years older than me, let out a small laughter and said, "You don't remember me at all, do you?"

I gave out a nervous giggle before saying, "ehhhhh...", my mom looked at me like she's about to kill me.

He said, "That's okay, you were still 3 or 4 years old the last time we met." Then he told me his name. For the sake of anonymity, let's call him Godric*.

As soon as he said it, I started to remember a few things. He's one of my distant cousins, went to the same school as me when I was in kindergarten ( he was in 1st or 2nd grade then ) and we played together a lot. But then his whole family moved to Australia and I never saw any of them again. Until now, that is.

I also remember that I used to have a crush on him. A lot.

As my cheeks started to look pink, my mom laughed. Joined by my dad, his parents, his wife, and even the little toddler although I know she laughed because everyone did. They didn't care I started shifting uncomfortably since they were swept into the memories, sharing what they remembered from the old times and embarrassing things I did. It goes pretty much like this :

"It's so cute how much you like him. You used to call him Ken and made him call you Barbie, otherwise you cried. You chase him around the playground and play in those little houses, like a little married couple." - Mom

"Yes you keep holding his hand and kissing his cheeks! You certainly are developing more than him. Remember he went home one day crying because she tried kissing him on the lips?" - Godric's Mom, responded by eager nods from her husband

"All I remember is receiving a call from her teacher, reporting that she pulled a 2nd grader's hair who liked Godric too. Then her friends pushed her around and she was so little, she fell crying." - Dad

FML. Running after a boy? Playing house ? Giving yucky nicknames? Fighting over a boy? Being aggressive? These go against EVERYTHING I believe, you guys!

I'll pretend those chunks of my childhood never exist, starting now. *wink*



* As in Godric from True Blood, of course. I still hate it that they killed him off.

Please Come Back To Me :'(

First, I wanna say that I'll get a little bit sensitive right now. So if sappy posts aren't your thing then feel free to skip it and watch something more enjoyable here ( I seriously don't know why my girl friends always sent me links like this, man).

Alright, let's get serious shall we?

I've been missing a couple of very special people in my life. It sounds greedy but I miss them all equally, I can't even stop thinking about them. I haven't seen them in days, and it makes me wanna weep. I regret how I took them for granted from time to time, but it confuses me now that they're not here. I'm so comfortable when they're around, they make me feel at ease.

Everything in my house and in my room reminds me of them. I search for them every time I wake up, just like how I usually see them before I go to bed. I want them to be back here with me, they make me happy. I never want them to leave again.

No, I'm not talking about a harem of tanned mediterranian men...

I'm talking about my maids.

Not actual picture of my maids, don't let your jaw hurt from dropping too low!

You see, all of them, with the exception of one of my drivers and my cook, went home to their villages to celebrate Eid days with their family and relatives. I mean, it's common to go home for big holidays, right? And just like any other kids who are used to have helps around the house, this phenomenon pretty much has big impacts to us... we have to do a lot of things ourselves, and even help with house chores.

I know some of you super proud independent I-do-everything-myself-hence-I-am-way-more-superior-than-you people roll your eyes and think I'm such a typical spoiled Jakarta girl for saying this but at least I'm honest, right?

I'm not used to this. Usually whenever I go back to my room after a long day, everything is neat. The room is already in certain cool temperature, curtains are closed, floors are shiny, and books+ dvds + clothes + laptop + phone chargers are stacked freshly in the right places. Not to mention it either smells like vanilla or lemon in my room. Very relaxing. So is my house. Me and my brothers tend to mess the place up so their cleaning and arranging abilities are off the hook.

It's not that the fact that they're not around making my house dirtier . It's not. Or at least not as bad as I think it would be. People from a day cleaning company come every three days and my cook helps cleaning the house. My parents told all of us to be considerate and help as well. I wanna say it's funny seeing my mom sweeping the floor awkwardly with her perfect office clothes and make-ups on, but I can't. It's not funny because I'm just as bad, even worse.

Here are a few examples :

• When my house was totally empty and my cook wasn't around during her grocery store run, I was hungry. There's no edible food at home, so I look at kitchen cabinets and find one thing I can make the best : theater style microwaved popcorn. Last time I tried using a microwave, it literally blew up. I like to think I'm better now. It didn't blew up but I kinda set the time too long so the popcorn were burnt in the end. My kitchen smelled weird for days.

• I tried cleaning my whole room, picking up things and throwing what I don't need. Also scrubbing, wiping, sweeping, and cleaning everything in sight. I had big garbage bags with me and opened up all my drawers and closets. Apparently I forgot I have asthma and I'm allergic to dust so I ended up wheezing and sneezing all night. My room? Never ended up being completely clean. You gotta give me A for efforts though.

• During the first two Eid days, so many people visited my house. They ate and drank all the time so piles of plates and glasses were end up near the dishwashers. The machine wasn't too big so I had to do some of them manually with a sink, sponge, and soap. By this time, my youngest brother wanted to help. We ended up making half of the kitchen area wet and having bubbles on our hair. Nice.
  

• I offered to wash our car earlier this morning. I thought it's fun, not hard at all and actually pretty sexy. I watched too many movies. Movies always show you sexy things about girls washing cars bending on the hoods. In reality? it isn't so hot. You gotta scrub and brush the wheels, you gotta get under the car a bit. With really hot weather and sun shining mercilessly, my face was all red. I decided to play some Pitbull* in the stereo and felt a bit more motivated. I sang, danced, jiggled a little, jiggled too much so when I tried to climb and clean the roof of the car, I fell. AND IT HURTS.
  

FML.

But I try to look at the positive side. At least my cook didn't go home. Imagine if she did, my mom would try to cook! And that's just...blasphemy. Sorry mom, as much as I love you and you like to experiment, DON'T. There's this one time that all of us had to sneak food in our rooms because we didn't wanna eat her food. We didn't wanna offend her by not eating at all, so we forced ourselves to gulp that muddy reddish thing she called Sundanese Grilled Chicken.

It was, well, one of a kind. For such a horrible stuff.

Someone really should teach me ( and my mom ) how to be more domestic.

And if my maids read this :

Please come back!!!

Iis, I promise I wont procrastinate on burning you a CD of Indian , Chinese and Indonesian Pop songs you like so much. Yes, Kangen Band will be in it.

Rara, I promise I will stop laughing at you for watching too many episodes of Boys Before Flowers. I will even watch one or two with you, I can't promise I'll keep a straight face as you know the cheesiness of Asian dramas tend to make me gag but I WILL TRY.

Yoyo, I will stop shouting ,"Yo Pharell?" and making so called hood signs with my hand every time I see you. It's not your fault you look like the vocalist of N.E.R.D, who is also one of my favorite producers of all time.

Love,



* I know. I have a problem stopping this.

Sunday Lovelist #21

Alright, lovelies, some of you may not think I'm gonna post today, right? I mean, with a lot of Eid day festivities : making awkward chit-chats and shoving cookies & cakes in my mouth like I planned yesterday, I shouldn't really have time to blog, right?

Wrong. Original plan aborted. I caught something last night and today I'm a huge ball of sneeze and fever. I went to my grandma's house and yet I couldn't really function. I chatted up a few cousins, looking miserable and ugly with tissues crumpled in my hand so my dad made the right call when he said,"Go home".

So here I am, just finishing a bowl of Ketupat and ate a slice of blueberry cheesecake. I'm feeling better but I could not visit more relatives. Less relatives to meet = less money. *sobbing*

But well, here's the love list for this Sunday :

1. MY RING BACK TONE
What artist wouldn't like his or her single made into a ring back tone? If you live in Indonesia, check it out and download the ring back tone to my single.

Here's how to do it :

• INDOSAT users : type SET 0619510, send to 808
• XL users : type 14400564, send to 1818
• ESIA users : type Ring 2113390, send to 888
• AXIS users : type ON 2113390, send to 333
• FLEXI users: type RING ON 2113390, send to 1212

For TELKOMSEL, CERIA, and MOBILE-8 users, the code will be released soon. For more information, read here.

2. Featured in several local magazines
Following a big spread in If-Media webzine, I also made the features for August - September edition of SLAM Indonesia, MAXIM Indonesia, and FAR magazine for Hip-hop United album. 3 magazines in a month, I feel like doing a back flip while jumping up and down the trampoline ( figure of speech, there's no way I can do that without breaking my neck ).

3. Almost two weeks Eid Holiday
Starting from last Thursday to upcoming Tuesday. Woot woot. Imagine all the laziness I can experience. All the long naps and hanging around my house with PJ pants. I need to get serious book shopping done though, for my thesis. The whole thing requires like 20 books or so, dammit. But since September 25th / next Friday is my birthday, some new shoes / bags / clothes wont hurt, right?

4. Getting partying and dancing back to the routines
...started by going to Kubo's birthday party last Friday. Quite a few people came to celebrate the end of fasting month. After a whole month not hitting the club and not touching any sorts of alcohol ( I don't even drink Frappe Rumba in one of my favorite coffee houses because I know it has rum in it! ), a few glasses of Vodka Sprite can really knock you out. Don't get me started on how a month without dancing could affect your body when you listen to your favorite dance tracks played.

5. Finishing my outline and first chapter of thesis
I wrote a few days ago about finishing my preliminary thesis proposal. My advisors checked it a day after and told me to change a few things but they basically gave me permission to start writing the first chapter. I intended to use my holiday to write it but I think I was infected with some nerdy bug, I finished it a day after. It's not perfect and still need to be reviewed but oh man, I did it.

6. All sorts of bloggy lovin'!
Have I told you that I love all of my blog friends? I'm never tired of saying or showing it because it amazes me on how much you care. Earlier this week, Miss Rambles was texting me to my phone whether I'm okay when I was exhaustedly waiting for my thesis advisors in the verge of tears. Nikolett offered me to make me blog header, although she's clearly a very busy girl. Archana and Courtney gave me blog awards. Not to mention the fabulous Angel, Nino, Nashe, James, Scoman, Anne, Lioness, Ejannz, and so many others are basically there supporting me during troubled times. Sometimes when they don't even know it. You guys said the sweetest things, thank you. Now let me cut it before I get more sentimental and blow my nose to my gorgeous cashmere scarf.

7. Making my own custom dresses
By "making", I mean looking for designs. So one of the owners of my favorite mini boutiques in town was talking to me a while ago when I shopped and told me how much she appreciated it that I shop there a lot. She asked whether I have specific type of dresses I want in my head and told me they'd make it for me. If the result is good too then they may even sell one or two in their stores ( they never make more than 5 dresses in 1 design ). Her boutique is known to sell bold flirty dresses a la Herve Leger and Preen, or shoes with edgy designs. So of course I was like HELL YEAH. I'm still confused on what dresses I want though, suggestions? Remember, they make sexy dresses so don't say things like long flowing dress or something. It will be tight, body hugging, mini but not at the point it can ring skank alarm.

8. Package of cookies from my cousin
You know your cousin loves you when she sent 8 boxes of cookies. Love her! There must have been two boxes of creme filled pralines alone, enough to send anyone to sugary comma. I also like the boxes of strawberry filled chocolate squares and almond cheese balls best. Now who wants to come over and finish them with me?

9. Jennifer's Body
Don't judge! I wanted see what the hype is all about. Knowing it's directed by someone who made Juno, I have to say I kinda expected more. I mean, it's pretty entertaining with Megan Fox being topless, horny, and very determined to kill so many men succubus-style and all that. But still, meh... Megan Fox = sex object, NEXT! I like Amanda Seyfried here though. Have you watched it? Do you like it?

Alright, I'm off nursing my sick self. Anything happening this week around your part of the world?

Fasting Month is over...

...and in 8 hours every muslim in the world will celebrate Eid day to close the fasting month of the year.

Happy Eid Mubarak / Idul Fitri / Eid al-Fitr to those who celebrate it!

Read more about it here or here if you wanna know about the festivity.

I don't know how they do it out there but here it's a two day festivities, sometimes even longer since we visit all of our families and relatives. First day will be spent doing eid prayer at a mosque then meeting my families at my grandma's from my mom side then my dad's oldest brother's house, second day usually will be spent at home with my family throwing a big luncheon / dinner. Probably a visit to some of my family's graves as well.

I have around a week or so holiday so YAY to that.

I'm not usually psyched about family gatherings due to me being a very awkward person in answering nosy questions from my aunts. I'm also bad in maintaining small talks. But here are what I love the most with Eid day approaching :

Yes, the oh-so-yummy variety of foods. The first one is the infamous bowl of Ketupat. For you non-Asians, it's a type of rice dumpling that has been wrapped in a woven palm leaf pouch which is then boiled. As the rice cooks, the grains expand to fill the pouch and the rice becomes compressed. Like in the picture, it's eaten with Rendang ( some kind of beef curry? ), Opor ( chicken cooked with coconut milk ), and spicy Sambal Goreng Kentang in the 2nd picture ( cut up potatoes cooked with chili and sometimes mixed with things like livers or prawns ). They're all scarily yummy, traditional signature Eid day dishes over here. As well as in Malaysia and Singapore.

The third picture is obviously choices of cakes. Cakes and cookies are served at everyone's house, it's crazy. My healthy ( hahaha ) lifestyle will have be in hiatus this week.

Beside the foods, I'll definitely be looking forward to :

Hanging out with my cousins. Sure I meet them from time to time during family dinners or relative's birthdays, but only in this occasion I get to meet ALL OF THEM in the same place. I'm looking forward to it. A lot of them have been so grown up, married and have babies and such. So I think tomorrow will be loaded with babies. I will be like "Awww babies" until one of them pukes on me.


Since I don't have formal job yet and still in school, I can still get money from all of my uncles and aunts this year. YAY. I'll need a hardcore shopping after all those festivities, that's for sure.

Other things that make me happy with fasting month coming to an end : No more waking up at 4 am and force myself to eat something to fuel up for a whole day of fasting, or feeling bad for going out so much when the rest of the people seem to use this fasting month to be a better religious person, OR being in a grumpy mood if I'm so thirsty / hungry after school and of course...

Hello, cocktail hours! Lots and lots of cocktail hours. Hello Amaretto Sour, Peach Bellini, Malibu Pineapple, and Strawberry Mojito...mama misses you!

My Murtaugh List

This post is inspired by this amazing blog I've just read and I'm gonna do it together with Slovenia's finest, Mr. Nino a.k.a MKL, so check out his blog after this to read his list.

So a lot of you know I'm a huge fan of How I Met Your Mother. If you regularly watch it then you know what is this Murtaugh List I'm talking about. Read more here if you wanna know all about it but for short, it's a list made famous from the show, inspired by Roger Murtaugh character in the Lethal Weapon movie series, which is filled with things you can no longer do as you grow up. No matter how much you still like to do some of them.

You know, things that make you say, "I'm too old for this shit!"

Although my list may not be as extreme as Ted Mosby's. Seeing as he's in his thirties and I'm just about to turn 22 : I can still stay up real late / pull an all-nighter, dance & party all night, eat junk food all week, and probably tolerate MTV.

But still, here are some of the things I think I'm too old for :

1. Watching Sunday Morning cartoon in big spongebob underwear
Nobody needs to see full frontal butt and thighs exposure in the morning, especially in such hideous pants.

2. Hanging Justin Timberlake's / Nick Carter's / cute boyband member poster's on my wall
I already stopped doing this in junior high when I got out of boy band phase and entered hip-hop phase. Most rappers I like aren't hot enough to stare at anyway.

3. Eating really huge lollipop / box of oreos or caramel popcorn... and finish them
I barely eat candies now. I love oreos and popcorn but if I eat a lot of them, tummy ache will surely happen.4. Checking out hot guys in the mall, approach them, and ask for their numbers
Don't judge, it was junior high school and us girls bet a lot on it.

5. Crying when getting a vaccine
Needles scare me, even until this very moment. I'm not crying anymore though, or am I?

6. Joining a girly clique and having cat fights with other cliques
Don't tell me you never had this phase. It started since junior high and ended in high school. Girls thinking they're all that and be insecure bitches and hate on other girls. Some people are still like this though, yes? Ladies, we're way too old for this shit.

7. Full frontal making out in a parked car or movie theaters
If a guy I date groped me so much in a movie theater, I would have been offended. And annoyed for being distracted during a movie. I think guys our age or older should pick a better place to do 'the business', no?

8. Playing dance dance revolution in mall’s game arcades
I used to kick so much ass in this. Now I need to get a grip and maintain grown up's calmness or something.

9. Dye my hair in bright blue / red color
I never dyed ALL my hair with these colors, a few highlights maybe. But I'm over it, and over my teenage angst phase. So tacky. I wanna be classy and sophisticated now, thank you.

10. Throwing up for being too drunk
Again, very tacky. No matter how much it feels fun at the time. I still read a lot of blogs when people tell me they drink so much up until the point of throwing up and blacking out, where they did embarrassing things they thought hilarious, like flashing or waking up somewhere unknown. Let me be open now and say that all those things make you look like cheap whores. Getting tipsy is fun, too drunk? Ew.

11. Not sleeping at all in a day
I used to be able to not sleep for 2-3 days and still do all my activities alright. My age is catching up on me, I have to sleep at least 4 hours if I don't wanna be grumpy and tired the next day.

12. Finishing a flaming drink by myself
Whatever the type is : flaming bikini, flaming combustion, or whatever it is alcoholic drink that requires to be lit up in fire before you drink it. I gotta have at least two people with me to drink it together now, otherwise I'll just be really sick.

13. Drinking and partying so much in weekdays / a few nights in a row
There are still times when I have to do it for work, like when I have a gig. But it always means I'll be queasy and super tired the next day. Not my option to have fun now, just weekends please.

14. Do real stupid and embarrassing dares in public
Been there, done that. I did a dare when I had to go up to an empty stage right in the center of the mall and dance to old school Britney Spears tracks. Talking about never going there again.

15. Pulling pranks on the professors / teachers
if I do it now, they would just fail me. Yikes. However I had fun putting a frog once inside my art teacher's briefcase. He almost peed in his pants.

16. Being loud in the theaters
Oh teenage memories. Laughing and goofing off during movies until one of those boring older people shush us rudely. Sadly, I'm becoming one of those boring older people now. I just can't stand noisy giggling teenagers when I'm trying to enjoy the movie.

17. Listening to popular pop music of today and not cringe
Popular pop music used to be so enjoyable during Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys era, or was it my age that time? Now it's all Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Jonas Brothers, and a few others, giving me unhealthy desires to slam the radio until it breaks.

18. Talking on the phone all night
Why is it that I could handle hours and hours of pointless conversation on the phone and now it irritates me? Unless my close friend crying about something in the end of the line, more than 15 minutes call will annoy me. I'll stick to instant messengers and texts.

19. Wearing shirts or pants with provocative writings / pictures on them
I wonder why we thought it's cute. The word "juicy" on your ass or the hand prints on your boobs will make you look nastier than Lil Kim in a heat wearing latex suits.

2o. Writing LiKe tHisss
How Myspace and Friendster! Especially adding the word "baby" and stars to your name. Examples? **JaMieeBabbiee** or "$$mIsZkAci$$ . Please, please, let me punch your face if you do it.

Have you done things in my list as well? What's in your Murtaugh list? If I challenge you now to do the things in your list again, can you handle it? I feel like I wanna give these a try again, just to see how far I can go before I really piss myself off. Or damage my body.